Patience

Yes, I’m back. This is my 10th post and I have over 300 hits on my blog to date.  Thank you for all of you who return to read my mundane ramblings that probably don’t make sense half of the time. My mom told me tonight:  she talks to blow off steam, while I write.

It’s entirely too late and I should be in bed, but generally I wait until the girls are in bed to log on to my online classes to get the most out of them that I can. Have I mentioned I went back to school? It’s just on-line and I’m majoring in Web Graphic Design, which will possibly be another dead end profession (as I’ve had many people tell me so far, but I haven’t listened to anyone up to this point, so why start now?) but it is something I’m interested in, so what the hell?

It was another rough day with my children after Lainey got home from school. We had a MAJOR melt-down (which I recorded 😉 ) about, you guessed it, Moshi Monsters. Needless to say, Moshi Monsters are hereby banned during the week at our house.  Did you know I am the meanest mom ever and I don’t love my kids? Lainey said she hates me and will never hug or kiss me again, but ha, I got a kiss goodnight, so she must be rethinking that bold statement. At one point she was trying to negotiate saying she had “a deal” to make with me, but I told her I don’t make deals with terrorists.  I discussed this matter with her father, who has given me full backing in this fight against homeland terrorism. Seeing as how she explained that he and her step-mom always played with them and let them do whatever, I thought it may be a good idea to put some feelers out to how things were playing out at their house.  Seems the same domestic terrorism hits their homeland as well. You never can be too sure about dads, you gotta love ’em, but they tend to be a bit softer that a mom. However, it’s always interesting to watch Lainey as she talks to her dad, because she comes to the realization that even though we aren’t together anymore we are “together” on all things involving her and her sister.

My dad was telling me tonight that he was impressed at how patient I am with them. Not always, and I find that statement a bit surprising seeing as how that was probably the deciding factor in the loss of my job last year.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point of being able to let all of the mean and hateful things said by people roll off my back. Many times, people don’t even have any idea about how their words affect a person. Yet, I have learned that when I look back at how I behaved during the early days of my divorce, I often said mean and hateful things too. Things I never in a million years meant or believed, but I said them out of grief, anguish, and exhaustion.  I was like a child throwing a temper tantrum to the world.  At the same time I was ashamed, humiliated, and embarassed at my behavior and what was happening in my life.

It is still a long process we are going through, with a lot of healing and finding a new beat to flow with. But through all of this I know there is one lesson I have been studying and will continue to study: patience. My biggest prayer as I go to bed tonight is that this lesson is a bit more easily learned for my children that it has been for me. It seems to me I’m always waiting, but I know without a doubt there is something up around the next bend. I pray that their “something” is a thousand times kinder and better than mine, but I am sure that is every parent’s wish.

In the words of a great song, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”. (I could have gone with Axel Rose’s Patience, but that was always the song Lainey’s dad sang to her when she was a baby… and I’m not removed enough yet to remember those times as fondly as I otherwise would 🙂 )

Why won’t you dance monkey, dance!!!!!

My children, 4 in two days and 7, have discovered the world of Moshi Monsters.  It is quite similar to Webkinz, but a bit darker and twisted as you create “monsters” instead of having an animal to care for and play with.  We may or may not have already taken it as far as we possible can. For the past two weeks my children have spoken of nothing else. Can I play Moshi Monsters? Can I play Moshi Monsters? When can I play Moshi Monsters? Are you playing Moshi Monsters? Yes, yes, that is what I do if I get one second of my own time on the computer. Moshi Monsters.

I find it ironic that a couple of weeks ago I was getting the business from my 7-year-old about spending too much time on the computer, and now my days are filled with endless, mindless Moshi Monster activity. Let me tell you, even if they get it there is everlasting requests or whining. Can you help me? I can’t do this. HELP!!!!! Not to mention: Stop bothering me! Aaaaa! Get away!!!  I can’t take another break down because the Moshi garden they planted didn’t attract a Moshling yet.

I’m not sure if this is what is really bothering me, or if it is the incessant whining from my children requiring me to entertain them like a monkey. Dance Monkey Dance! The screaming and crying, the end of the world!!! It’s coming in an apocalyptic explosion because I can’t play Moshi Monsters or you won’t watch me swim or play a game with me or dress up like a princess with pink make up worthy of a 2-cent whore! Jesus! You are single-handedly the absolutely worst parent in the world!!!! Who gave you your parent card, REVOKED! Turn it in, and now I want to go live with my dad! (that hasn’t come up yet, but it’s a breath away…)

Or maybe it’s the never ending screaming and crying about how my sister is ruining my life! She won’t leave me alone! She just _____(insert favorite) hit, pushed, punched, bit, or looked at me the wrong way!!!!!!

This coupled with the fact that I am now under the stress of making sure the house is cleaned up, with no real parameters or rules for what, when, where or how to clean up, and in charge of making dinner, I am near volatile. Some days I clean up and its fine, other days I do the exact same thing and I get, “didn’t get anything done today?” or “what did you do today?” OMG! Seriously, a person can only do so much! Maybe I should dance like a monkey with a broom up my ass so I can entertain and clean at the same time! Geesh, give a girl a break!

Sorry for the rant, but I needed that… Thanks, I feel better…

Funny what happens when you start a blog…

Nothing funny or interesting has happened really in the past week.  All of these awesome stories were going through my head last week when I decided to start this blog and now either I can’t remember them all that well, they sound stupid when I write them down, or there is just nothing going on.

I talked to one of my friends from my “didn’t end well” job last night and she asked what was going on.  I was taken aback for a moment because as I sat there thinking of one thing that was going on I realized NOTHING was going on.  No job leads, no idea where (or when) I’m going to send my youngest child to pre-school, no drama for your llama, nothing.  Don’t get me wrong, in my world if nothing is going on, that can totally be a good thing because there are so many things that COULD be going on.  People who knew me three months ago would find this a minor national holiday, unheard of, unprecedented, kind of like a mini vacation away from all of the havoc and chaos that has plagued my life since more than a year ago.

It could be so much more. My oldest is riding the bus for the first time tomorrow.  After talking with the bus drive (who is VERY nice but clueless) I realized he must be new because he had no idea what street I was even talking about when I asked about the bus stop.  There could be a story here tomorrow, or in the newspaper the following day. Girl left on school bus because driver didn’t know where to stop… But if that is the worst that happens, I’ve decided I’m good with that.

In a matter of weeks (or days) my children will be welcoming a new sibling into their lives.  That’s big. To think a year ago they were just at the beginning of a life changing event: their father leaving his old family for a soon to be new family. How far they’ve come…

Anyway, I guess this is an apology of sorts for the mundanous of my life right now.  I had such high hopes.  I’m sure there will be more just around the bend, but until then, let’s just bask in the quietness of life, shall we?

 

Poop, it’s your standard dinnertime topic of conversation…

You know, I wrote this yesterday but saved it as a draft because, honestly, I just thought it was going too far… however, fate, God, whatever was telling me something because IT JUST KEPT COMING UP TODAY! So in an effort to get it out on the table and out of the way…here…

I giggle as I write this, but this weekend I was with my friend and her family and had the fortunate opportunity to dine with them. This included her husband and sons, ages 5  and 1.  Effortlessly, throughout two meals, poop came up as the topic of conversation.  She was agast that her husband and son kept bringing the topic up at the table.  I thought this was all fun and games until tonight at dinner with my parents, a commercial came on about constipation.  I immediately thought of her and mentioned that poop had come up often at several of my meals this week. After dinner my mom and dad were cleaning up and they were arguing about the cleanliness of a knife that was in the sink. I was outside on the deck when I heard my dad say, “It’s greasier that shit!”. I burst out laughing at this point and yelled, “I didn’t know shit could be greasy!”. Needless to say, the neighbors were intrigued. So there, poop can be a topic of conversation at the dinner table…