So, I’m doing really well lately. It’s pretty exciting. I LOVE my new job, it’s exciting and I’m learning new things all of the time, and I’m finding some of my self-worth again. I love the people I work with and am so thankful I took this leap of faith. I can honestly look back at that shadow of a girl I was and say goodbye. GOODBYE. But I’ve also realized that I can say goodbye to bitter feelings I have for those I was angry with for so long. Can I forgive them? Yes. I can honestly say I was a bitch to be around and not handling my shit well, but I don’t blame myself. It was some pretty messed up shit that only got crazier as time went on. But I realize I am not blameless in everything that happened. I could have handled things differently and I could have hidden my raw emotion a bit better. But then hindsight is always 20/20. I was in a toxic situation all around and am a better person today for getting out of it, whatever way I was removed…
That being said, I have to say I am beginning to dream dreams again. Pretty cool right? I still don’t want a man, because honestly they just complicate things and create more work for myself, and why would I need another one when I can do it all on my own and have everything I want in the process? (Don’t take your mind to the gutter…)
So I’m on this new goal kick. My new-found friend and employer is going to help me set some goals and actually meet them. My dad is totally psyched as he said himself, “I just want you to finish something…” He also likes this said new friend and employer of mine. I’m not sure whether to be offended or not, but I’m not letting him be a killjoy on my dreams. And yes, I fully intend to meet these goals, everything else be damned. Hahaha, maniacal laugh. Just kidding.
I just realized this all seems to make no sense as I am sitting here through this cantata practice of my child’s. I think we will all be estatic when it’s over, tomorrow. And I know, I know, “What’s a cantata?” a musical. That’s what it is. A musical. I’m done with your questioning … is it wrong that I’m having and imaginary conversation with you in my head right now? I think it’s because I have my friends voice in my head, which yes, is really my voice Trisha! Shut it. Geez I really should NOT be yelling at you right now because technically I’m having this argument myself. Sorry. How did this perfectly nice post turn into a tyrannical rant? Sorry peeps. The new me still comes with meds. Yay meds!