A couple of weeks ago I was having a discussion with my friend about the trials and tribulations that we go through in our lives and she was telling me she had heard a sermon from a pastor saying that sometimes God puts us in recurring situations because we still have a lesson to learn. She posed the question to me, “What lessons have you learned from your past tribulation?” This caused me to over think, as so many things do, but I came to a short list of things I believe I have learned in the past year and a half.
First I learned that you should NEVER put the fate of your happiness into any one thing (or person) no matter what. There is nothing and no one you can depend on other than yourself and God. I was pretty angry at God for a long time and questioned his direction in my life. Truth be told I still do. Yet, I do know I have learned that my happiness depends on myself. Not a stupid boy, my friends, my job, or even my children.
Next I learned that just because your down and out doesn’t mean that people will be nice to you or won’t kick you while your down. Much the opposite, they will kick you down, stomp on you, pour lemon juice in your wounds, and then sit back and enjoy watching you writhe with pain, hoping you will run away with your tail between your legs. Sounds bad, I know, but staying true to the first lesson learned, we as people are flawed individuals and many times instead of trying to help someone we tend to push them aside and pretend like they don’t exist in order to satisfy our own need for sanity.
I have learned that I AM a strong person. I don’t care what anyone says, any normal person would not make it through what I have been through and still be standing. Well, they probably would, but I did a pretty damn decent job.
I have learned that the people who really care about you will step up in times of tribulation.
I have learned that as humans we have fallen extremely short of the expectations God has for us, but even more the expectations we have for ourselves.
I have learned I am not a nice person, and that I have made many mistakes, and yes, karma is a bitch and will come back to bite you in the ass, so watch out people. No matter how much you think you are blameless, usually you are the one who deserves the most blame. Suck it up, put on your big girl panties, and deal with it. If you don’t like it, change it, but don’t EVER expect others to forgive you for it. Forgiveness is a fickle thing…
I know there are other lessons, but these are the ones that have stuck in my head the most this past week and it seems I can’t let it go unless I write it down and send it out into the universe in order to be at peace with it. Maybe I will never be at peace with it, but I promise I will try…