Have yourself a merry little Christmas…

Above: My absolute FAVORITE Christmas movie ever.  I love the scene when Judy Garland is singing to Margaret O’Brien, and the scene when Tom Drake appears with Judy Garland after dancing around the Christmas tree.  Classic…

I love Christmas time, I always have and I probably always will.  This time of year is filled with memories of past Christmas’ and family and friends, those still here, those who drifted away, and those who are ghosts from the past. Our Christmas’ were always filled with lots of family… and usually fighting, drinking, and modelling of all of the clothes that were bought for us kids. We were always inevitably bought matching outfits, me and our girl cousin and my brother and our boy cousin. It was really annoying… but now, I wouldn’t have those memories changed for anything.  They are a part of who I am, and who I have become today. I remember going to the candlelight service at church on Christmas Eve, and then coming home and opening one present (or all of our presents later in life) and sitting with grandma while she had her Cognac.  I remember sitting in bed with my brother and cousins talking about whether Santa was real. I remember good food, and kids to play with, and more presents that a person could imagine under the tree.

It’s different now, my brother and his family come before Christmas, and Christmas Eve is just my parent’s and the girls and I. It’s nice, and quiet. But it’s also different from more recent Christmas’s past. When I was married, we spent time travelling between our families homes, dividing our time as evenly as possible.  At the time it seemed stressful and full of guilt, worrying if one set of family didn’t get equal time or if someone was alone.  I miss it now though.  I miss having all of that extra family and talking and laughing together.  There are a lot of things I remember at this time of year.  This year I have a lot of memories about my ex.  They are softer, probably more embellished, but still they remain fond to me.  Again, they are the memories that have made me who I am today. I remember picking out our Christmas tree. I remember whenever we were in the car and Elvis would sing Blue Christmas he would make the CD player  repeat the first words over and over again. I remember the day we were decorating the outside of the house, and (I swear he told her to…) Lainey de-pants me while I was up on the ladder.  I remember our first Christmas at Grandma Vera’s house with Lainey, it was her first Christmas….

I hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas, and whether you are with those you love, those who annoy they hell out of you, or are away from those you love, know that I am wishing you a merry little Christmas.  Because these are the holidays that will stay with us for the rest of our lives.  Whether they are sad or happy memories, or romanticized into something more than they were, they are still a part of us, and they remind us of the importance of the season: Love.

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