I haven’t been good about blogging lately. It seems I’m hesitant to write lately, because I don’t want to be depressing. It’s so ironic when I first started my blog I thought I was working my way out of my depression, but lately I just seem stagnant. Ha ha, National Mental Illness Week lives on in me…
People have noticed, a.k.a. my parents, which, I guess when you live with people it’s hard to get around. There was a “discussion” a few nights ago at dinner. It started with my mom actually getting a good dig in.
Ella: Let’s do highs and lows! I’ll go first…
Me: I don’t really have any today…
Mom: I bet if you had done your hair today that could have been your high!
Me: (eye roll) I DID take a shower. But…touche (tipping my hat).
I have to hand it too her, it’s not often she’s witty enough to pull that off, she usually much more blunt, but it was a good zing. And I HAVE been really lacking the motivation and go-getter style that might be my usual exuberance for life. O.K. even that made ME laugh. In all honestly, I need to get a job. I need to have a purpose. I know the girls are my only purpose, but I need something for me… and when they go away every Monday and ever other weekend, so goes my purpose.
Likewise, I was hit with the realization recently that I’m not exactly “over” things as much as I thought I should be, or want to be. Seeing things in action are much more difficult that creating your own version in your head. So, in response to this depression, I leave you my promise, my conviction, if you will… my mantra (for the day…month….year…. life…)
to live by choice, not chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others.
Oh yes, and good-riddance Business 115, it’s been real, but now I’m done letting you rain on my blissfully rose-colored parade…